Sexual Liberation. How simple, yet how complicated. To be sexually liberated means many things, including feeling free, comfortable, and unashamed of your sexuality. But at the same time, is this really even possible? In my opinion, Sexual Liberation is nothing more than a nonsensical oxymoron.
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On a recent trip to Sedona, AZ, I treated myself and my family to a “Pink Jeep Tour” of the Red Rock region — it was awesome, and I highly recommend it. Six of us piled into a late-model, open-bay, customized Jeep, and traversed some seriously rocky terrain to explore up-close some amazing sites. Basically, we off-roaded it; it felt so freeing & liberating to be bouncing around the open wilderness. And what’s even cooler was that the Jeep was Pink!
Upon disembarking from the vehicle, one thing I noticed was that in spite of the great driver, the Jeep was seriously banged-up — even our trip had left some fresh dings and scratches. This is in addition to the pink-painted-over and pulled-out dings left from previous trips.
At that moment, something dawned on me — “liberty” is not free. The path of liberation has consequences — not only is it risky, but there are real-life costs as a result, that cannot be avoided. Even the best driver, behind the wheel of the best-made Jeep (even a pink one), will inevitably cause damage. Dents, scratches, and breaks which will can never truly be covered up or painted away. It’s the cost of engaging in this activity, and its non-negotiable.
The only way to avoid damaging the vehicle is to drive it within a structured road. Perhaps a dirt road where we can see almost as much, and have almost as much fun, but one which will not damage the vehicle. A road designed for lots of great activity, but safety and security as well. And it could be that this road will actually allow you to get more out of the Jeep in the long-run in terms of mileage, safety, usability, and repairs.
How much more so is this true with our sexuality. There is no way to “off-road” your sexual life without serious consequence — sexual liberty comes at a price. Although at times it may be more exhilarating, there is no way not to ding others and yourself when you are bouncing around without a sexual framework, a road. You may be able to experience more, see more, and scream more, but don’t fool yourself — you are not coming out of this experience unchanged and in my opinion, unharmed.
Sexual Liberation is an oxymoron — there is no such thing. There is no liberty in sexuality — there are only experiences with trade-offs. Every partner, every act leaves a permanent impression, a permanent consequence. Men need only look around us to see this is true, or read the vast amounts of literature on what is going on in our society today. It’s all out there – decline in marriages, distrust between the sexes, fatherless households, depression, STDs, etc. For many women — they do not need any books or “use-cases” or external-proof — they know this truth intuitively.
If you view your life as an opportunity to jump from one short-term experience to the next, from one emotional & physical “high” to the next, from one ditch to the next – go for it. Enjoy it while it lasts. But if you have a vision for your future — a long term plan to wed, have children, raise a family, enjoy deep, long-term intimacy, than why would you want to show up in a beat-up Jeep? Even if it is painted Pink?
It is not my purpose here to pass judgement on the path travelled by any person — to each their own, and Gd Bless all. My point is only to share my thought that Sexual Liberation is a misnomer, an oxymoron that in its current use can mislead both the innocent and the wise down a road fraught with many obstacles that leave indelible dents.
~Dovid Feldman
