I want you to know how much I respect your courage for sharing your story with me and your partner today. The pain, the struggles, the trauma you went through. Your raw honesty and pure sincerity touched us both beyond what you can imagine. I’m confident that finally being heard, understood and seen will shift your heavy-heart, and rebuild the trust you so desperately desire.
Your feelings of abandonment, isolation, and rejection became so real, so powerful, that they became ours. When he expressed his deep remorse, his desire for a real relationship, and how pained he was that he hurt you that way, I believed him. Coupled with the massive changes he has made, his newfound devotion to you and commitment to never hurt you that way again, I’m hoping you do too.
Moving forward, I want you to know that while your feelings of disconnection, of abandonment, of being ignored in your relationship are real, sometimes, we need to look inward for the answers.
Sometimes we perceive not being loved in the way we want as not being loved at all. This happens, as all two people are different, and love in different ways.
It also happens because we carry with us pain from our history that follows us, often till our death. We hold on to trauma, hurt, and real abandonment that never really leaves our being, our heart. And then, in an act of self-protection, we project all of our fears on those who love us most – those who are really trying, those who are doing their best, fighting their own demons and overcoming their own limitations.
Hence as couples, as man & woman, we are challenged on two fronts. On one hand we are trying to create something new – something we have personally never done: our own family unit, our own fantasy made real of happily ever after.
On the other hand, sabotaging our efforts, are the messages, themes, traumas and real pain we have suffered in the past. These reside inside our mind & heart; they are suitcases full of emotional scars we bring to the honeymoon.
In a successful relationship, we learn to handle both – the challenges of building a new edifice full of commitment, honesty, vulnerability & love, as well as taking out the garbage of our historical pain, putting our old, emotional trash on the curb.
And we need each other for both. We need to rely on each other, trust in each other, commit to each other and deeply love each other to enable this growth. This can only be done in unison, in connection, male & female. He needs what comes so naturally to her – the depth of her intuition and spiritual strength. And she needs his steadfast masculine energy to sooth her emotional power.
It will be my honor to continue working with you both – hearing you, sharing with you, and guiding you on your path towards a loving family. Helping you separate the clean pain of family-building from the dirty pain of old wounds.
And not to worry – if and when our paths separate, I have 100% confidence in you both that you have everything you need inside of you to fulfill your dreams of becoming a loving, committed couple.
And G-d willing, creating children who will continue the journey you two started, beginning not at the beginning, but standing on your shoulders bringing a new light to the next generation, more powerful than all of ours, combined.