When somebody loves you, they are giving you a chance. An opportunity to show-up in trust, kindness and care. In exchange, they give you their heart, and their love.
But sometimes, we let the routine of our lives, and our love, obscure the miracle that is our relationship. When we fill our days with distractions, and deeply feel our disappointments, we can forget that there is someone next to us who needs our strength.
Worse yet is when we project our own failures and insecurities onto our partners, turning-off the switch of appreciation and gratitude they deserve. Because all we see in them is what we don’t like about ourselves.
In reality, we have the strength to break free of the negative cycle. We can turn our love-story around, and become the partner they fell in love with. Because she dreams of a happy you. And she dreams of being the object of your happiness.
3 Steps to avoid needing a “Second Chance”
There is a saying in the manosphere that “You shouldn’t make your wife your mission.” And, I agree. However, you should make your marriage your priority. When you focus on creating the best possible relationship, you are at once striving to build something greater than you and her, and also meeting her most important needs – security, safety, and connection. This includes learning how to listen and communicate, expressing gratitude and appreciation, and most importantly, fill your shared life with acts of kindness.
Taking Emotional Responsibility
Building your emotional strength and resilience is one of the most powerful investments you can make in yourself, and your relationship. A woman needs you strong. Not just against the outside world, but just as importantly the inside world. Yours and hers. This starts with a deep understanding of truism “Nobody can make me feel anything. My emotions are my responsibility, only.” Perhaps one of the easiest things to say, and most difficult to live. But we only learn to man-handle our heart when we take responsibility for how we feel. Understanding our own triggers, and having an ability to self-soothe is key. This is a gift not only for you, but for her as well.
Personal Development / Fulfillment
Self-care looks different for men than women, and yet is equally important. Finding creative pleasures that are all about you are crucial for your sense of worth and confidence, be it music, gym, reading, writing, or building. Success in one area opens up the possibility of experiencing success in other areas, including your relationship.
Ironically, many men & women, post divorce, miraculously have the time & drive to focus on the above goals. But we want to invest in ourselves and our relationship, now, to the point where we don’t need a second chance. While we are still in love, and more importantly, while she still loves us. And if she does love you, she won’t just support you. She will be the biggest cheerleader for each and every one of your victories.
The road to marital bliss isn’t easy. Learning to see the gift in her is a personal challenge. It is not a shared activity. But the good news is that you fell in love with her for a reason, so she doesn’t need to do anything more for you to reconnect with her internal & external beauty. And while she isn’t perfect, she is still full of so many incredible reasons to love & appreciate her. When you lean-in, hard, to those riches, your love will fill your heart enough for the both of you.
No second chances necessary. ❤️🙏