10 Comments

  1. catbee
    January 10, 2020 @ 1:58 pm

    Wow. That is all I can say. You nailed this one. Thank you, Dovid.

    Reply

    • Dovid Feldman
      January 12, 2020 @ 8:33 am

      Thank you Catbee! I appreciate the feedback.

      Reply

  2. FmrNG
    January 13, 2020 @ 12:38 pm

    Can you expand on having or creating the boundary but still giving her the loving acceptance?
    I am in this situation right now, constantly improving myself but not getting improvement out of her. In fact it feels like she continually gets the best of me while I get her average to least best. It’s hard for me to “reward” stagnation or even regression.

    Reply

    • Dovid Feldman
      January 13, 2020 @ 6:40 pm

      Hi Fmr – Feeling like you are getting the raw end of the deal is really difficult – and very upsetting, for sure.

      When I work with men on this, I like to challenge them a bit – and I will do the same for you.

      First, when you look overall, are you sure you are getting her average? Or perhaps you are getting her average in areas that you want, but that are not as important to her. And, perhaps in other areas, she IS giving her all?

      Did you read this post, by chance? Let’s talk again after you do.
      https://dovidfeldman.com/giving-gone-bad/

      Reply

  3. FmrNG
    January 13, 2020 @ 7:38 pm

    Hi Dovid

    Thanks for getting back to me. I read through that post twice. Balance seems like a great concept which I agree with of course.

    But again I’m failing to make the connection. I can’t see the areas she is giving her all. How do I look for those?

    Reply

  4. Dovid Feldman
    January 13, 2020 @ 9:08 pm

    To answer your question directly, it could be that they don’t exist. But let’s not give up hope yet.

    Even though she may not be giving to your expectation, there is a very good chance she is giving more than you think. You must train yourself to see the way she does give. You must cultivate gratitude. Check out the Youtube vid @ 365grateful.com

    Next, learn how to handle your disappointment: https://dovidfeldman.com/disappointment-in-your-relationships/

    Finally, take a look at my post on your setting your bottom lines: https://dovidfeldman.com/your-bottom-line/

    Let me know what you think. I have more info when you are done, but these are good beginnings.

    I can tell you that I had to go through a similar process. When I completed my work, I learned to see things in my wife that I hadn’t previously, and began the fulfilling and enjoyable process of appreciating her exactly as she is. Then I started seeing beautiful things I missed before.

    Reply

  5. Vance Grant
    February 13, 2020 @ 2:28 am

    This happened to me, but the other way around.

    Henpecked to DEATH.

    Advice?

    Reply

  6. Abe Peretz
    February 19, 2020 @ 7:10 am

    Do you have a book coming out? Can’t wait to read everything, cover to cover!

    Reply

  7. Mark Bents
    May 3, 2020 @ 12:57 pm

    Reduce your chance of separating by stopping the criticism! Love this!

    Reply

  8. R
    May 26, 2020 @ 9:44 pm

    I can really identify with what FmrNG is asking.
    I see that I am trying to fix. But what do you do when she’s not showing up how you want. Not growing.

    I’ve read your replies to him. So will check that out.

    But if you’re not yet married, is there a point when you’re constantly feeling like fixing when you say, “This isn’t good enough.” And look for something better. Someone better equipped and someone ready to put in the effort?

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *