Before you were born, your soul was divided in two; one half was put into a male body, and another into a female body. The unification of your soul, through the unification of you and your partner, is the pathway to your connection with all of creation, and even Gd, Himself.
But in today’s age of online dating sites and hook-up apps, believing that somewhere, out there, exists your “soulmate”, may feel a bit outdated. Or even an impossibility. Yet many of us believe it to be true, and spend our years searching for our chosen partner.
Adding to the confusion, is that the common concept of soulmate differs for men and women. While having a soulmate may seem intuitive and feel nourishing for women, for many men, it seems a bit foreign. And, there are good reasons for this as the reasons for marriage and relationships for men and women differ, vastly.
The idea of a soulmate fits well with a woman’s emotional, spiritual, and physical needs throughout her life. For a young woman in search of a life-partner, the belief in a soulmate gives her hope that she will find the right man to commit to who love her, and with whom she can share her entire life with.
For a woman ready to have children, the belief in a soulmate gives her the security and stability of a partner who can provide for and protect her and their offspring. Having a single, responsible, committed man by her side ensures that she will be taken care of and have a partner raising their children.
As the relationship matures, and hardships encroach on her youthful, romantic fantasy, her belief in a soulmate pushes away the nagging belief that “maybe she could have done better”. It quells her hypergamous nature, and enforces her commitment to the man she chose. This has the effect of keeping the family together, ensuring a stronger upbringing for her children and greater emotional and financial stability.
As the turmoil of life subsides and she moves into her golden-years, she benefits from her efforts to “make it work” and enjoys the relationship with her life-long spouse, knowing that the investment she made was for their future, together as a couple, destined to spend eternity together.
For men, applying this same gynocentric concept of soulmate is disingenuous. From an evolutionary psychology perspective, men are designed to spread their seed to as many willing females as possible — soulmates need not apply. From a cultural/historical perspective, polygamy was the norm, revealing a man’s capacity to be in loving, responsible, committed relationship with multiple women at once. Alternatively, with no biological clock ticking away, men have the freedom of being childless — guilt free. The traditional concept of a soulmate actually runs counter to a man’s biological imperative as well as his innate intuition.
So how does the belief in a soulmate benefit and apply to men? From a strength-based-perspective, the belief that the universe has dished up your perfect partner — your other half — and served her to you on a silver platter creates a closed-loop paradigm where you can overcome your greatest obstacles and reach your greatest potential. Recognizing that your partner is “the one” for you ensures that you will give your relationship everything you have got, from your deepest of places, to make it work. Your soulmate is more than just a great partner, your other half. Through bonding with your wife — taking care of her, providing for her, and being there for her, in all it’s forms, she becomes the vehicle through which you achieve true self-actualization, the height of your human potential.
When G-d gifted Adam with Eve, she certainly was a handful. Adam chose to join Eve in exile (hence he ate the fruit) rather than stay with G-d because he realized that only through his relationship with Eve would he become a better, more perfect, Adam. He needed her to become more than what he was, or ever would be, alone.
And this only works when you recognize that the woman you are with — given all her weaknesses and flaws, given all the multitude of difficulties — is exactly who you need to be with, in order for you to become the best you. She is more than your partner, lover and friend. She is the other half of your soul, inserted in a female body, with whom you can connect with on the highest level. But only when (and if) you create a great relationship, in your physical forms. This means the highest levels of communication, love, connection and partnership, all requiring unending commitment, loyalty and effort. The greater your physical connection, the greater your emotional and spiritual union, the greater you both become as individuals and as a couple.
The union between man and woman, the coming together of a single soul split between two bodies, is the embodiment of the ultimate unity for all of humankind. This is the gift of your soulmate. May G-d bless you that you find your other half, immediately.
~Dovid Feldman
January 6, 2019 @ 4:34 am
No such things as soulmates or “the one” person out there for everyone. There are thousands and thousands of people that may be a good match for any other person. The myth of “the one” is not just falses, but destructive.
https://medium.com/@RationalMale/there-is-no-one-313d8ed916b8
January 7, 2019 @ 2:02 am
Hi Drew – Thanks for the comment.
While you are correct that there are 1000s of people to chose from, most of us don’t connect with 1000s of people intimately — we usually connect with 1, 2 or 3 people over a lifetime that really touch our soul. These are your soul-mates (also, you can see my comment to Rollo below regarding having more than one soul mate).
I agree with you that devoting yourself to a soulmate has a danger – I am familiar with the concept of “one-itis”. However, it has a plus-side as well. Having been married for 25+ years, as well as a marriage therapist, I can personally and professionally attest to the idea that without a core belief that this person is “the one”, there is a great chance that a relationship will fail, ultimately. or perhaps never achieve its best version of itself.
That is the point of the post.
Thank you for reading and commenting.
Gd Bless
January 6, 2019 @ 4:38 pm
This is why your idea about soulmates is scripturally disproved
(Mark 12:18-27; Luke 20:27-40)
23That same day the Sadducees, who say there is no resurrection, came to Jesus and questioned Him. 24“Teacher,” they said, “Moses declared that if a man dies without having children, his brother is to marry the widow and raise up offspring for him. 25Now there were seven brothers among us. The first one married and died without having children. So he left his wife to his brother. 26The same thing happened to the second and third brothers, down to the seventh. 27And last of all, the woman died. 28In the resurrection, then, whose wife will she be of the seven? For all of them were married to her.”
29Jesus answered, “You are mistaken because you do not know the Scriptures or the power of God. 30In the resurrection, people will neither marry nor be given in marriage. Instead, they will be like the angelsb in heaven. 31But concerning the resurrection of the dead, have you not read what God said to you: 32‘I am the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob?’c He is not the God of the dead, but of the living.
January 7, 2019 @ 1:03 am
B”H
Hi Rollo – don’t know if this is really you or not — but thanks for taking the time and commenting on my blog.
Regarding soul-mates, I not only have read what you’ve written on it, as well as listened to several of your talks on it – love your work, kudos to you.
Back to the point – As much as I respect you and your religion, it is not mine, so I don’t follow exactly what your scriptures say. As you do follow the Old Testament, you may be interested to know that soulmates are 100% part of the Jewish theology, as well as an essential part of Jewish Mysticism (Kabbalah) and feature prominently in the understanding of the purpose of creation.
From your comment, it appears that you are trying to suggest that because this woman had more than one husband, that she could not have been a soulmate to any of them. That is an excellent point and quite confusing. Let me see if I can explain something which I was taught, and it may make sense to you.
There are only a certain number of “whole souls” that Gd created. Most of us are not whole souls, but pieces of older souls, which are re-incarnated into the world. As an example of this, we know that there were only 600,000 Jewish men standing at Mount Sinai to receive the 10 commandment. It is also known that every soul throughout Jewish history was literally at that point. This is why Gd a Jew can never say to Gd — “Hey Gd, leave me alone! You revealed yourself to my ancestors, and not to me!” We cannot get away with this because every soul was there. And yet, today (as was the case for most of history) there are somewhere between 5 -7 million Jewish males (each with a soul) in the world. Same holds true for women.
Therefore, it is very plausible (and most-likely) that in today’s time (as well as in the time of your quote) where we are all partial-souls, one woman can be mates with numerous men, and vice versa. The piece of her soul could be connected with a different sliver in each of her husbands. This was actually most-likely the case, and that is specifically why she had to marry all 7.
In any case, if this is the real “Rollo”, I’m a big fan. If you ever feel like reaching out or discussing this more, please do.
Thank you,
Dovid Feldman
September 30, 2019 @ 8:23 pm
I’ve always believed in soulmates, and I’m lucky enough to have married mine.
You are correct that it works out great for the ladies.
Thank you for your words.
October 12, 2019 @ 10:41 pm
I have always believed in Soulmates! Do you think you could have more than one?
Thanks for your insights!
October 13, 2019 @ 8:37 am
Thanks for sharing, Carmen.
Yes, I do.
But, one at a time!
October 15, 2019 @ 4:18 am
My soul-mate left me years ago.
October 16, 2019 @ 8:47 am
That’s so sad.
Don’t dispair, your true partner is around the corner.
Keep your eyes open!
January 5, 2020 @ 8:15 am
Not sure I believe in souls. But I appreciate your perspective.
February 6, 2020 @ 7:36 am
Not all of us agree on soulmates.
But I appreciate your perspective. It’s different and refreshing.
February 9, 2020 @ 10:40 am
I’ve searched for so long. Thank you for the inspiration!
April 22, 2020 @ 9:05 pm
Soulmates are over-rated! Love the one you’re with!
May 28, 2020 @ 10:32 am
Like!! I blog frequently and I really thank you for your content. The article has truly peaked my interest.
June 21, 2020 @ 12:45 am
My soulmate left me. Now what? 🙁