Before you were born, your soul was divided in two; one half was put into a male body, and another into a female body. Through the unification of you and your partner, the unification of your soul is the pathway to your connection with all of creation and even Gd, Himself.

But in today’s age of online dating sites and hook-up apps, believing that your soulmate exists somewhere out there may feel outdated. Or even an impossibility. Yet many of us believe it true and spend years searching for our chosen partner.

Adding to the confusion is that the common concept of soulmate differs for men and women. While having a soulmate may seem intuitive and nourishing for women, it seems a bit foreign for many men. And there are good reasons for this, as the reasons for marriage and relationships for men and women differ vastly.

The idea of a soulmate fits well with a woman’s emotional, spiritual, and physical needs. For a young woman searching for a life partner, believing in a soulmate gives her hope that she will find the right man to commit to, who loves her, and with whom she can share her entire life.

For a woman ready to have children, believing in a soulmate gives her the security and stability of a partner who can provide for and protect her and their offspring. Having a single, responsible, committed man by her side ensures she will be cared for and have a partner raising their children.

As the relationship matures and hardships encroach on her youthful, romantic fantasy, her belief in a soulmate pushes away the nagging belief that “maybe she could have done better.” It quells her hypergamous nature and enforces her commitment to her chosen man. This keeps the family together, ensuring a stronger upbringing for her children and greater emotional and financial stability.

As the turmoil of life subsides and she moves into her golden years, she benefits from her efforts to make it work. She enjoys the relationship with her life-long spouse, knowing that the investment she made was for their future, together as a couple, destined to spend eternity together.

For men, applying this same gynocentric concept of soulmate is disingenuous. From an evolutionary psychology perspective, men are designed to spread their seed to as many willing females as possible — soulmates need not apply. From a cultural/historical perspective, polygamy was the norm, revealing a man’s capacity to be in loving, responsible, committed relationships with multiple women at once. Alternatively, with no biological clock ticking away, men have the freedom of being childless — guilt-free. The traditional concept of a soulmate contradicts a man’s biological imperative and innate intuition.

So, how does the belief in a soulmate benefit and apply to men? From a strength-based perspective, the belief that the universe has dished up your perfect partner — your other half — and served her to you on a silver platter creates a closed-loop paradigm where you can overcome your greatest obstacles and reach your greatest potential. Recognizing that your partner is “the one” for you ensures that you will give your relationship everything you have, from your deepest places, to make it work. Your soulmate is more than just a great partner. Through bonding with your wife — taking care of her, providing for her, and being there for her in all its forms, she becomes the vehicle through which you achieve true self-actualization, the height of your human potential.

When G-d gifted Adam with Eve, she certainly was a handful. Adam chose to join Eve in exile (hence, he ate the fruit) rather than stay with G-d because he realized he would only become a better, more perfect Adam through his relationship with Eve. He needed her to become more than he was, or ever would be, alone.

And this only works when you recognize that the woman you are with — given all her weaknesses and flaws, given all the multitude of difficulties — is exactly who you need to be with for you to become the best you. She is more than your partner, lover, and friend. She is the other half of your soul, inserted in a female body, with whom you can connect on the highest level. But only when (and if) you create a great relationship in your physical forms.

This means the highest levels of communication, love, connection, and partnership, requiring unending commitment, loyalty, and effort. The greater your physical connection, the greater your emotional and spiritual union, the greater you both become as individuals and as a couple.

The union between man and woman, the coming together of a single soul split between two bodies, embodies the ultimate unity for all humankind. This is the gift of your soulmate. May G-d bless you that you find your other half, immediately.