A fter years of marriage, Charlie calls me up to discuss his situation. “I’m falling apart,” he says, “I don’t feel the same anymore.”And so begins our sessions, with his admission that his marriage is on the brink.
But what was unique about Charlie’s situation was that nothing was actually wrong. In his own words, he had a fantastic wife. Beautiful, loyal, feminine, affectionate, and smart. She’s a great mom and a great woman. “And did I mention beautiful?” he repeated.
After scratching my head, I finally asked, “So, what’s bothering you?” I queried. I guess I could have opened with that, but most people immediately blurt out all the problems!
It turns out that Charlie has been watching a lot of redpill content recently and is now obsessed over his wife’s inability to “pair-bond.” See, even though Charlie married his college sweetheart, in truth, she had had a few boyfriends before Charlie. Her body count > 1, and therefore her ability to truly love and commit is compromised. Charlie couldn’t stop asking, “Is she wife material?” and “Am I investing in a woman who will eventually leave me?”
His astute wife picked up on his hesitancy and lackluster energy and started to pull away. Hugs and kisses slowed down. Sex came to a standstill. Things were cold between them, which Charlie clearly understood as evidence he was right.
But Charlie signed up and, in time, became one of my favorite clients. Why? Because Charlie and I were determined to reverse his hypergamous’s wife’s inability to be in a committed relationship. We did this by implementing some of the newest techniques in marriage repair, including praising his wife daily to ensure she doesn’t leave. He also started doing kindnesses for her, like taking over a carpool, helping out more around the kitchen, and finishing many projects he neglected. #Fridayflowers and making time to talk and reconnect were a must.
Before long, Charlie recreated intimacy with his wayward wife, and things were better than ever. Love returned, goodwill flourished, and date night was sex night. Just in time, too, because, according to him, if he hadn’t met me, she would have wandered off for good.
But Charlie’s wife is one of the lucky ones. Some men hold her past against her forever, never allowing her to become a housewife in their eyes. And when she feels that disdain, that distrust, that disapproval, she leaves and ironically confirms the story he always knew to be true in his heart.
How sad and unfair.