It’s not easy staying relevant on Twitter.
I’ve been doing it for 5+ years, and in order to consistently share my thoughts, feelings, and wisdom, I must keep a finger on the pulse of the challenges people are facing, daily.
Today, more than ever, men and women are polarized. In one camp, we have many men who are feeling disillusioned with long-term relationships, chivalry, sacrifice, and, to be honest, women in general.
On the other, today’s woman marches on with the mantra that men are not worthy, not living up to the standards they need in order to give themselves fully to commitment and marriage.
This dynamic has always existed, for sure. It started in the Garden with Adam and Eve, when Adam refused to get up and grow up, so Eve fed him special food which forced him to start working and do something with his life. Of course, we know this is precisely why Gd created Eve in the first place—to get Adam off the couch and out the door to a productive life.
And even in my youth, back in the 70s and 80s, I always heard the women surrounding me complaining about the men in their lives, bemoaning how they could do so much more. A woman’s energy drives the world forward, and we owe women much gratitude for their encouragement, support, and strength.
#WhyMenCantBeLeftAlone nothing will get done ” pic.twitter.com/dZOo9CDs4J
— ❤️🖤💚DAÑiELLE (@GoGetChaLife) April 23, 2023
But as opposed to the past, today, I feel this has reached new heights, to the point where we are no longer giving each other a chance. We take a peek, and if we don’t like what we see, we move on.
In 1992, at age 24, I got married. I had no job, no serious plans (i.e. I wasn’t in law school) other than loving my wife and starting a life together. Basically, I had no idea how I was going to support my family—I didn’t even have a marketable skill.
Yet in spite of my lack of direction, my loving wife saw my potential, good character, and commitment to make our lives successful. She knew I would be a good husband, father, and man. What she didn’t know, and neither did I, was how I would make that happen.
She patiently waited for me to try and figure out how to support our growing family. I fumbled around for the first year, doing dead-end jobs, temp work, and even multi-level marketing. She watched me try, fail, try, fail, and try again.
Eventually, I threw in the towel of being a day laborer and instead enlisted in a computer-programming course. Eight months later I landed my first real job, making $24K/year. Not bad for my first corporate position in 1995.
But within 18 months, I was making $70K. And within five years, a mere drop in the bucket of time in our shared lives together, I was pulling in $300K consulting for Y2K, with several employees working for me. This is closer to half a million in today’s dollars, and I was providing better than most of the doctors and lawyers, businessmen and professionals I knew. All this from a former Amway hustler with no clue.
Six kids and 30 years later, the fears and opportunities we had during that dot-com era are long gone, and so are my computer consulting days. But through it all, with Gd’s help, we have navigated the hills and valleys of building a home, family, and shared life together. And we love each other now more than ever.
To say we haven’t struggled over the years, both financially and otherwise, would be inaccurate. But this is life; no matter who you choose, it will happen to you. The key to our success wasn’t who we were when we first started out. Rather, it was the fact that we gave each other a chance, believed that we could make it, and supported each other along the way.
This is something that we can, and must, give each other, today. To look at an incomplete person and say “He’s not for me,” is often just pushing away your opportunity for love. For life, for family, for togetherness, for intimacy, and security.
My story is the story of millions of men and women who decided to take that step forward with a partner of character and commit till the end. Men like me, who make good but imperfect husbands, are everywhere. Most likely, you know many of them and they know you. They are in your DMs, in your circle of friends, and perhaps even one of your best friends. They will stand by you, love you, commit to you, and provide for you forever.
And yet you ask, “Where have all the good men gone?” Good men aren’t “gone.” The real question is, why can’t you see them?