For many men, building multi-million dollar corporations full of risks, pitfalls, and employees is more straightforward than getting along with their wife.
This is because we have two axes of power: external and internal.
Men are more adept at working with their external power—building things, strategizing, big-picture, logical constructs.
Women are naturally more in tune with internal power—understanding, emotions, human connection, and insight.
Commonly, an extremely successful man comes to me, struggling to live harmoniously with his wife. He is exasperated and feels like a failure. Mainly, he is confused about what is wrong, as everything in his world seems fine.
Often, the typical culprits are not the problem, i.e., staying at the office too late, not spending time with the family, and having no relationship with the kids. Many of these men have a great relationship with their children and are involved family men.
But that doesn’t mean that these men know how to love in a more connecting way. Their internal strengths are underdeveloped, and she’s not happy. Her heart doesn’t feel bonded with his, which creates a block in their physical relationship (and that’s the point at which he calls me!).
Interestingly, this explains the story of Adam and Eve. Gd realized, “It was not good for man to be alone.” So he split Adam in half and created Eve. But the question is, if Eve is merely half of Adam, what did she bring to the table that Adam, when whole, didn’t already have?
The answer is that now, Eve existed outside of Adam. Instead of loving oneself or being at peace with oneself, he now needed to build up his internal, connecting strength and focus it outwards towards Eve. He needed to connect with someone outside of himself. This was new and challenging for Adam, something he had to practice and learn.
So too, for our Alpha Male CEO. The hyper-successful man that has it all and can do anything; his only weakness, his Achilles heel, is his wife. Like Adam, he can lead others but doesn’t know how to bond and connect in loving unity with others. He doesn’t know how to love deeply through inner connection. Through his heart and not just his mind. Eve sacrifices her life and happiness to extract Adam’s internal strength. And so does your wife. She will do anything, including making you uncomfortable, to bring out your inner powers and strength to reveal your heart. To teach you how to give selflessly and, express your feelings, practice patience, forgiveness, and grace.
Because your wife understands that life is incomplete and superficial when we only focus on the external. We must bring our internal strengths to the surface to give life meaning, purpose, joy, and depth.
And this comes at a cost for her, including sadness, frustration, anger, and pain. Getting you to become your best self isn’t easy. Yet she will do this for you, your marriage, and your family.
But she will only try for so long—even Eve has her limits. As men, we need to focus on creating—or recreating—intimacy. On noticing her and what she does for us and our family. On expressing gratitude and appreciation. On increasing acts of kindness and giving and showing non-sexual physical affection.
We express our inner strength when we connect with her in thought, speech, and action. Through revealing and exposing the feelings in our hearts, coupled with action, we become one again, which is what she wants more than anything and why Gd gifted her to us in the first place. 🙏💚